What Katie Did Morticia Underbust Corset
Sir, do you know why we pulled you over?
the dude who kicked in the windshield, also backflipped off the hood of the car. you know he’s waited his entire career to bust out those moves.
I AM THE NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT
Grayson, we know you work as a police officer for a day job, but this is not subtle. Not at all.
this is 911 state your emergency
YES I NEED HELP IMMEDIATELY I CAN’T FIND MY LIZARD
911 I THINK MY LIZARD IS BROKEN
YOU THINK YOU’VE GOT PROBLEMS? MY PHONE SEEMS TO HAVE LOST IT’S LEGS
911 I CAN’T GET MY PHONE OFF THE RECEIVER
MA’AM YOUR PHONE NEEDS TO BE IN THE UNLOCKED POSITION AND MAY NEED TO BE PROVIDED WITH ADDITIONAL HARDWARE TO FUNCTION CORRECTLY.
YES HELLO 911 CAN YOU HEAR ME I DROPPED MY HEADSET IN THE WATER DO YOU READ
TO BE HONEST 911, I AM NOT SURE WHAT MY PHONE IS DOING
911 MY PHONE IS FACING THE WRONG WAY AND I CAN’T GET IT TO TURN AROUND.
yes 911 hello all these people are crazy
this is still going around and it makes me rly happy.
"Well it’s an opinion so it can’t be wrong.”
Okay we are not 5 anymore, opinions can be wrong, your parents lied to you, your teachers lied to you. Not every comment you have will be valid, not everything you say needs to be heard.
And opinions can be and have been wrong.
But if you wanna hold that idea then it’s my OPINION that you’re a loser my opinion is right and valid, ur a loser now. Suck it loser.
Please reblog if you know anyone who might take party drugs.
I’m not an emt yet, but everytime I see someone do drugs, I just hope they’re smart enough to remember these points.
I really love this, because as someone with anxiety when I did take party drugs way back when I was always scared of going to the hospital because I didnt want to be arrested…..even when I bad tripped and cried in the bathroom for 10 hours because I thought Jeff was trying to murder me. I dont do party drugs anymore, but it still is comforting to me….seriously.
Most EMTS and medics I’ve met are some of the most non-judgmental folks ever. Look, we love helping people and saving lives. That’s what we went to school for. Help us help you, and everyone will fare better for it.
Important to pass along :)
I’ve never taken drugs, but I know from experience that EMTs are super nice and care a lot about you. The EMTs I dealt with made sure I was comfortable and distracted enough so I wasn’t freaking out, while also keeping me talking.
They really do care about you.
"Condoms don’t fit me."
Shut the fuck up. Just, shut. the. fuck. up. you ignorant shit stain.
Condoms are meant to fit PENISES. Not ANYTHING ELSE. It is designed for a human penis. There are different sized human penises. FRICTION IS A THING. ALSO ELASTICITY IS A THING. The more you stretch something out, the tighter it gets, and I wouldn’t imagine something tight on an erect penis would feel too good, infact it can make a guy go limp if he happens to be well endowed and the condom is too small.
Not all condoms are the fucking same. They are differently sized, WOW SURPRISE THERE.
ALSO CONDOMS THAT ARE TOO SMALL ARE MORE LIKELY TO BREAK.
I am sick and tired of uneducated literal retards going on about how you can fit a hand, a foot, or a car in a condom and go HURRDURR NO THIS CAN FIT YOU DEERRRRRRPPP!11!!
You know absolutely jack shit about male anatomy and if a guy has honest concerns about a condom being uncomfortable so he can perform and you laugh at him, you do not deserve sex.
Fuck you. Fuck this website. Fuck the 14 year old virgins who have no sex education reblogging this.
When you walk out to your car and realize you forgot your keys:
When the power is out and you go to turn on a light switch:
When you get to school and realize you forgot your homework:
When you walk into a room and forget why you’re there:
When you walk down the aisle and realize you forgot the wedding rings:
When you hit your head on a low beam:
When a mosquito bites your forehead:
When you get brain freeze:
When you’re Raven Simone and you get a vision: